In our counseling work and in some discussions on the internet there are some men that complain men and criticize the so-called 'women's movement.' In Truth, it is men who manifested this 'movement' in the first place! It may have been 'inadvertantly', but, nevertheless men and their need to dominate women were in many ways, responsible for the birth of the women's movement. For centuries the patriarchal energy men used to manipulate with fear, greed, guilt, force and self-centerd-ness was there for centuries until women gathered and decided it was time to take their power back.
There is a pressing need for people to come to terms that are closer to reality than what they have allowed themselves to be manipulated and led by, for so long. The male-dominated world we have lived in for many centuries can only be termed 'unbalanced'- its time men learned to embrace the Goddess energy.
Some men have 'separation anxiety' from their from their mothers. This anxiety gets buried deeply and expresses itself in scenarios that are not conducive to health, happiness or any form of peace. Embracing the Goddess energy opens the door for men to express what they have denied, buried and/or masked. In so doing they have developed a set of "definers" about what they think it mans "to be a man' and both women and men bought into it.
The unfortunate thing for men is that these stereotypes cut men off from a channel to express their their sensitivity. How could one be 'abandoned' or 'separated' from the very Source of their Being? It happens by what Buddhists call--"conditioned existence." I wrote an article a few years ago about men how there is a much higher suicide rate for them over women. Also when men take their lives it is often a much more final and violent way than women.
There is a growing need for men's voices to be heard in loving, honoring ways and that is what embracing the Goddess can do for them--and women's understanding about the changes men are either going through...or will need to go through to become healed and whole. One of the generalizations women make about men is "they need anger management." We present courses on anger/conflict resolution for men that have been mandated by the courts to attend because they have been convicted for violence and domestic abuse. They say they are continually judged and grew into the mode of their convictions to survive.
During the 16 hours we spend in session with them I cannot think of one man that was not abused as a child and they all grew up with the idea that the one emotion men are entitled to is "anger." When asked if they had ever considered that their anger was based in hurt they all pause and say, "no." They were told as boys "to man up" rather than expressing hurt, sadness, fear and a sense of loss. Consequently it was never an option for them to open to any of the nurturing receptivity within Goddess energy and the Feminine within themselves or others.
Women began to break free of their conditioned thinking about what it means "to be a women" as a direct result of the women's movement. Undeniably it shook up the rule book both genders had been living by and in many ways it still is. Women have had to learn that we can embrace the masculine aspects of the Yang--strength, independence outwardly directed goals, having boundaries and a strong voice.
Men are still reeling from the ripple effect of women making their way in a world that was once dominated by men. Women organized ourselves and the movement, have put social services in place to protect themselves and their children and have a lot of resources to help them heal and become whole. Now men are struggling to regain their balance and equilibrium and there are fewer resources to assist them and their voice is not being heard and that is why David and I are so committed to promoting ideas of equality and common ground for both genders.
One of the great resistance some men will have to this concept of embracing and allowing themselves to express their 'softer' facets; they may feel it means they are expected to become 'gay' or something less than what they are now.
The prospect of loss is not good incentive to consider changing perspective. But, if men can be encouraged to see and accept that they already already have these attributes within them it will be easier to access and express them more openly without fear of reprisal. Hopefully; those that harbour homo-phobic tendencies will see shy away from opening their hearts and minds to the gentler aspects of their BE-INGS.
David and have written, produced and presented a number of courses on conflict resolution, creating healthy relationships within Sacred Partnerships and win-win communication. In those courses we ask participants to call out adjectives that they think are most commonly associated with men..and women. They are usually ones that have the stereotypical mindsets about what defines each gender. Afterwards we flip the chart and ask each gender...
Do women have and of these traits?
Then we do the same with the descriptors of men.
Heads nod in agreement.
The reason being if we look closely, more similarities than differences. Perhaps that is a way to begin to balance ourselves- Look for the similarities and honor them in both genders. Men can openly validate women's strength, courage and independence. Women can honor men when they are open, communicative, tender and sensitive.
Some women may feel a threat to this concept as well. They may have a strong attraction to the wrestler-type, chest-beating, hairy, sweaty, 'he-man'. When David and I first came together I had never met a man that was so willing to let me know when I had hurt him. Nor did I have a frame of reference for the respect he held for me and my strong, independent personality. I grew up with a very controlling, manipulating father and had always been suspicious of strong men or those that offered to do too much for me. I always thought they had another agenda.
It took a lot of talking for me to actually be able to process that David is a really strong man but also has his feminine aspect in balance. In our counselling sessions with couples women openly admit upon questioning that they are not used to having to handle how they feel when a man cries or is able to share his more vulnerable feelings. So both genders need to be able to discuss these challenges more openly to assist each other in loving, honoring ways.
In fact, I think a lot of women would agree, it is his displays of sensitivity that make him even more attractive! Really, women have been exploring their 'male' qualities more in the last 30 years or so, as far as business and the workplace goes. But, this
-to me- is not the complete picture-yet. Women have embraced the Yang within, partially, but in a way that is less about spirit than it is finance. And indeed, it is (partially) finance and the rising costs of living in our culture that has driven women to such a maze as the corporate world. Luckily, again, their communication skills allow them to excel in that area.
In an Ideal world, everyone, or most people, will have the faith, trust and balance to pursue their Heart's desire throughout their entire lives. 'Work' becomes something that one does from their passion for the 'work'- not something that is done from the fear of not having enough. This will only come about when we strive and seek to find a more stable sense of Balance within ourselves, and with each other- which will evolve naturally, as we balance our selves.
In the Beginning was the Matriarchy
Woman was the creator of the Life Force and was worshipped as the Great Goddess which includes 3 aspects; Maiden, Mother and Crone, based on the three faces of the moon. Women were the Great Goddess' Earthly incarnation. In the Matriarchal Clans women raised the children, gathered most of the food, invented the first tools, domesticated fire and animals, and used plants for healing. Goddess Worship reigned for over 25,000 years.
These women provided the vital link between the community and its deity. With their sacred rituals and trance-dances, the priestesses channelled the creative energy of the Goddess into the material world. The shamans and seers, in their trance-states of enhanced awareness were responsible for keeping the channels open between the individual, the group and the cosmic source.
Around 3000BC, the peace-loving goddess-culture endured the invasion of the tribes of war-like, male-dominated nomads. These men subdued the goddess people, subjecting them to the power of the masculine. The balance of power shifted towards the male as rulers and priests consolidated their power and ousted the temple priestesses. New forms of marriage were introduced to control the women and establish paternity.
The line of property inheritance from father to son now formed the economic basis of men's power, just as common land ownership had been the basis of women's.
Male gods were introduced allowing no compromise with goddess worship. Male priests established a distant, stern, intolerant father-god in the minds and hearts of the people. All women were publicly designated as private property of some man... father or husband.
Witches and those using Goddess and earth based practices were burned at the stake within the male patriarchy.
With the past and future swirling around us now we are given a brief glimpse into our soul's intended purpose for incarnation. Now is the time to integrate and embrace both the matriarchy and the patriarchy; the yin and the yang. The Goddess energy within us all is struggling to be recognized and utilized in the quest to achieve Inner Peace. Wholism is the focus for the future of this planet and her beings.
We can no longer deny that there is a universal ripple effect within All-That-Is. The spiritual substance that we are all a part of is energy based and transcends male/female/homo-sapiens or homosexuals, race, culture, creed, religion and color.
Removing the stereotypical projections towards men and women and focusing on balancing the masculine and feminine within everyone we meet and greet will open the door for true exploration of ourselves and each from a soul perspective and assist us in bringing out the best in each other.
'We all come from the Goddess
and to her we shall return-
like a drop of rain
flowing to the ocean...'
Very few men or women deny the reality of the references to Mother Earth. It is the nurturing and feminine aspect that allows us to live our lives on this plane. Without her and everything she provides in the Natural World we would not survive. So embracing Goddess energy or the feminine presence within Source-centered awareness does not emasculate men. Quite the contrary once they awaken to it they are set free to embrace the full range of human emotions just as women do when they embrace the masculine aspects within themselves.
That leads to greater wholeness, healing, unity and consensus building.
I see Coralie added some of the dynamics we struggled with earlier in our relationship. We are in a very different place 21 years later and we have both grown as a result of our shared partnership in business, personal and our spirituality.
We are both committed to assisting men open to the feminine within them and allow the blessings of Goddess to help them heal and experience greater balance.
Stereotypes are limiting and we all need to work to free ourselves from that type of limited thinking. I do not have any problem with carrying my wife's purse, picking up feminine products, sharing the housework, cooking or expressing my emotions even though a lot of my Macho buddies due. I am constantly encouraging men to get over what I think are outmoded "Neanderthal" ways of thinking, feeling and being.
That approach may keep women under the males' thumbs but it also keeps men locked in ties that bind them to ideas about what it means to be male and blocks growth.
Well you finally did it Coralie.
I was wondering when you would let this cat out of the bag.
And now, you have kicked to bucket of testosterone over and may have upset a lot of the male ego induced perception right in the groin.
For centuries men have been spoon fed large doses of male hormone belief elixir.
How in the world do you think everything got so messed up in the first place ?
I am going to wait and see if any men are going to step up to the plate and defend their earth bound honor on this one.
If you will allow me to include one important point, I will proceed cautiously as I can as not to step on to many testicle lined beliefs that our world has perpetuated for tens of thousands of years.
Some archeologist have discovered in the last 50 or 60 years that women actually ran and ruled over the earth not more than 13,000 years ago.
It is reported also that during this semi golden time, wars did not exist, or at least the kind of wars that we know of today.
Brutality was at a minimum in those days and for the most part, inter species group violence was at an all time low.
I guess women running the world was something that was just unheard of as of late.
In fact, our history books don't mention anything about women ruling the world, but it seems that present day history books had to mention a mystery or legendary tribe called Amazons who where fierce warriors and defended their area of the globe very convincingly so well that our history books had to mention them because they where trying to be truthful, yeah right !
I don't think so. knowing men the way that we do, all kinds of tricky little deception tactics needed to be inserted into present day history books because they knew very well that one day these Glorious Warrior women would be found out about, so they might as well admit that these Amazon women actually existed because they found so much evidence of their existence that to do anything else but admit that these women existed was the short cut way of showing the world that they where being fair and honest.
Yeah Right again!
The truth be told, Amazon culture stretched well beyond most of the South American continent and everyone who lived at that time on that continent knew very well of what they where capable of doing if you messed with them.
The Amazon legend as it turns out was and still is very much in tact and if you do a little research, you will find that these women literally took care of business in a way that would make most men tremble in fear.
This was not only the case in South America but there where other legends on other continents that told the exact same stories about like wise women on their continents as well.
After reading about this strange time in human history, I noticed that at this time in history, these stories where not that unusual and being told around the world.
Roman Gladiators, Greek Games, Olympic Games etc...
None of these physical endeavours could even begin to express how powerful these women where in thought word and deed.
What in the world was going on back then ?
How did women get to rule the entire world and our history tells nothing about it ?
Go figure ?
The truth is always going to reveal itself no matter how hard anyone tries to hide it, especially when others try so hard to conceal it from the entire world.
We are all direct products of the womb of women and that should give anyone some big hints about how powerful women really are.
To imagine women as the weaker sex is like dancing in a boxing ring blindfolded with 10,000 cobras.
Peace to everyone who understands what is important about wisdom.
I have been wondering how you are but have been busy squirreled away in this group whenever I am here and haven't been going First up thank you so much for joining this group. It makes for very enriching threads to have the male perspective on any topic...but especially these ones on the Feminine Divine.
I have no intention of kicking any guy in the groin...that would be too painful and disrespectful and is not my style. Your metaphor is graphic and as an energy worker the image makes me cringe hearing from guys how sensitive that area is. So no worry there Reg.
I appreciate the information you shared and applaud your heightened awareness about women and their strength. I posted a lengthy discussion here about the history of Goddesses in different times and places throughout history and asked in the title--where are they in society today?
If you go through the discussions I keep adding more and welcome your input and knowledge. As I mentioned when we first connected sharing ideas with you is most enjoyable. You present ideas well and your quick wit adds to the mix.
Calling attention to the truth that women and their positions as leaders has been submerged in history clearly illustrates that historians and the patriarchy within it did not want the information to be out there. Mass thinking supports itself and part of how women were kept under the control of men was by limiting their education and access to knowledge. In my mothers generation women stayed at home and were not encouraged to get the same educational as men.
It wasn't that long ago that women in Canada obtained their right to vote--it was a process that started during the first world war and came to fruition in 1917. The women's movement created a united voice and now women are taking their power back and accessing information about their gender and putting it out there as I am here. It was difficult for women to source out information about their power and strength when the educational means to do so was not as available. I assume that is why other countries keep women underfoot by limiting their access to education and learning.
I came through the feminist movement and initially I was so pro-women and working through my own healing journey and recovering the memories of sexual abuse with my father around the same time. Consequently, I went through a period where I lost a lot of respect for men. After coming through my own process and feeling more whole I began to soften my position and seek common ground between the genders.
Six years ago David was very ill and it awakened both of us to the lack of resources for men. Women have done a great job of organizing themselves and making sure we have shelters to protect from abusers, social services, support systems and a general acceptance of equal rights. We have a way to go but there has been real inroads in the past 30 years.
In the idea that thee is only one race--the human race David and I both feel that men need more support systems in place and that is where the receptive energy of Feminine Divine can assist.
So whatever either gender chooses to do--it is their choice and their consequences to outwork. However, no one can change anything until they become aware of it and the beauty of interacting with others is that we can be mirrors to each other and that is why I enjoy social networking so much!
We can assist each other and heighten awareness about things that matter to each of us and gently encourage each other to do the same.
Thanks for joining this group David. As we have shared here; part of how we have come to this understanding about balancing the masculine and feminine within is through our own soul growth.
I love and respect your strength and you are my rock in so many ways and I appreciate your confidence and ability to access the full range of your emotions without labeling them as feminine or masculine.
The reason my gal-pals love and respect and want to "clone" you is because they also value your sensitivity, thoughtfulness and ability to listen, hear and honor differences. You have never been threatened by my strength and always applaud it and cheer me on. It was a new experience for me because in my past some of my previous partners were not strong enough to be gentle and they often tried to control or manipulate me.
I appreciate your comments and participation in this group because as you know it is a topic close to my heart. I feel so blessed to be in sacred partnership with you because you walk your talk on every level and encourage other men to heal and grow as well.
This a wonderful discussion and thank you so much for sharing with us Chewy Bees. It makes perfect sense to me, that the one suited to the care of the children should do so and the other work, if that is what they both wish. How wonderful to be standing at the threshold of another direction in life! Blessings
Hello Chewy Bees,
It is very inspiring and heartwarming to have you share your journey here. Not only does it provide insight into your life and healing path. Reading how you and your wife have balanced your personal growth and your partnership. The fact that you are strong enough within yourself not to be hung up on who raises the children or feel threatened by your wife's successful career path speaks volumes about the balance you have achieved within.
I respect men that do not buy into the stereotypical mindsets of what it means to be a man. Society's version is so outdated and limits the male genders ability to explore their inner landscape and experience the full range of their humanity. The life you and your wife are living is a wonderful example of outworking the masculine and feminine within both partners and co-creating a partnership that supports each other and your boys as well.
You are giving them a wonderful gift too. For them to be able to see that having Dad at home while Mom works illustrates to them that the Beaver Cleaver scenario is not the only way to do things.
If writing is your passion then I hope you will pursue it. You have a lot to share and if there is anything David or I can assist you with please inbox us and let us know. I have been doing free lance writing for years and have been published in a wide variety of local and national magazines. Writing is the easy part. Finding someone to publish and marketing articles is the hard part but it can be done.
You are a compassionate, honoring person and I trust that you will be given the spiritual clarity and direction you are seeing. Anything we can conceive and believe we can achieve.
Thank you for adding so much to these discussions. Having you here is a blessing to all of us.
I just wanted to say that ever since I came onto OV.
As a scientist, I had figured out how important the roll of women is in our world so I studied some aspects of feminity and its relationship to everything in our world.
I did not mean to shoot the rapids of your message and squeeze what I said in, but I think it needed to be said.
Bringing more women into the main vein of how the blood flows thru our world, it is important for women to understand once and for all, that they may very well be the dominant principles genders of our species and all of nature and the cosmos screams it out so loud that it is really hard to ignore.
With such compelling evidence, it is still hard for me to understand how women lost their reign over earth in the first place.
All women need to do is look at the signs of nature above as well as below and the the mystery will unfold before them and a huge light will come on.
All of the evidence is constantly in view 24/7.
How do you think David got better, if it where not for his bodys ability to heal itself which is a miracle.
We are finding out that healing of the human body requires intention and truth that only our bodys seem to already know and adhere by the bodys own secret healing persuasions and often leads to all of the correct influences that manifest healing miracles within us.
I can only conclude that this underlying patience appears to be of a feminine nature.
If we used masculine influences as a archetype healing method, it is likely that if and when we did heal, we would have all kind of spare parts and rusted fill in parts infused in us that would probably make the healing process look and act more like some kind of war castle construction site project.
The perfect alignment and accuracy of gentle female touch that body healing seems to take now is more than condusive for male and female healing and it is masterfully done by our bodys.
All of the evidence only requires one to think about the healing process and see if our bodys seem to heal with the influence of male or female attributes.
I think we can all see what most people will conclude.
My daughter is so brilliant and well educated, yet she is willing to give up her freedom and career goals to pursue a man who may or may not love her.
She gives everything she has to a relationship that may end with anybodys guess.
Go figure ?
The amount of love that women give to a realtionship for the most part is a testament to what women will endure for the sake of their hearts.
I guess that is why I admire womens dedication to love and a relationship.
It is going to take us men a whole lot longer to comprehend how women endure so much from men.
Its all a mystery to me.
So keep hammering your points in your blogs until the light shines thru to all women.
From what I can see, all women everywhere really need to understand that they are a big part of the living process here on this earth and the sooner they rise to the occasion of themselves and how worthy they are to lead and run things, the sooner all women will be free.
Thanks to you and your husbands support, you are able to support each other side by side.
More men need to help women find their greatness as David apparently helped you find yours.
I appreciate sharing ideas with you and so it is again. It is very affirming to speak with someone that brings so many aspects about women and the energies within the Feminine Divine. The nurturing and innate strength women possess is something that both genders do not fully understand and accept so we are on the same wavelength again on this one.
I can feel your concern and disappointment over the circumstances with your daughter and the choices she is making with a male that does not sound as though he is honoring her with love respect and equality and that is indeed unfortunate.
Being able to build what David and I call "sacred partnerships" with someone you choose to spend your life with can be challenging because it requires accountability, cooperation and an ability for each person to handle their own stuff and "get real" with each other. Emotional safety and boundaries are key to healthy relationships and within those dynamics each person can assist the other in growing their souls.
I think part of the "mystery" about why women give what they do to relationships or put up with what they often do is complicated. If women do not have a good relationship with their fathers they may grow up with low self-esteem. Fathers are the first man in any little girls' life as is a mother with their sons. Not thinking you deserve anything better leads some women into a "do what they know" out of conditioning. Then some women do not know how to respond to the "good guys" and may keep them at arm's length.
Finding men who are strong enough to be gentle and confident enough to be with a strong woman is something else again.
Relationships are as complicated as the people within them and David and I do feel grateful and blessed to be soul partners with similar life goals and spiritual beliefs. We have both brought different things to our relationship and because we hold it in high regard we strive to nurture it and each other in openness, trust and love. We also are mature enough to know that we need to be mindful and respectful of what we have and never take it or each other for granted.
So with men like you, David and Chewey Bees and other women in this group we are doing our part to heighten awareness about the important role women and the Feminine Divine within our spiritual development and planting seeds as we go.
I hope things outwork for your daughter in ways that are for her highest and greatest good. She is fortunate to have a father with the kind of wisdom, knowledge and insight as you do. I hope she opens her heart and mind to listen to the compassionate and honoring way you communicate your ideas and concerns with others.
My daughter often tells me that she thinks I am a very good dad.
SOmetimes I think she says it so that I can give her money or something. Haha
I have seen other women in my life who fall so deeply in love with a man that they loose their own identity.
This is where I think a woman can take love to far.
I raised her with what I thought where good ideas and ideals and a sense of purpose and gave her all of the other things in life that should have aided her intelectual capacities along with a decent amount of self esteem building and self respect.
Only to find that she wants to be with a bad boy type, so I wait.
In my heart and mind she knows that I love her and would do anything for her.
MAybe thats part of the problem, I have given her to much.
I can admit that she has that affect on me.
She is my little girl forever and ever and I love her maybe more than a father should love his daughter.
In many ways I must have spoiled her to the point that I have lost her to some guy that I want to beat over the head with a big tree branch until he gives me my little girl back.
Ok, I admit it, but I also know as I sit quietly waiting for her to come home from time to time that there must be something else that I can do, but there isn't.
This is my cross to bare and I am strong enough to hold on so that the best intentions that I sewed into her personality will bloom into a wonderful and beautiful woman who attracts only the best man for her because she deserves the best and she and I know it.
If anyone ever says to me that they want to have kids in my next life, I might not act very kindly towards them for suggesting it.
In everything that we experience, there is a time for everything in this life.
Your heart-centered sharing in your feelings and understanding for your daughter is very touching. The fact that your little girl has such a good role model in you and tells you that you are a good father speaks volumes about your relationship with each other.
David and I do not have kids and for us it is definitely the right decision. We enjoy being around children and have mentored two sets of children kids Big Brother/Big Sister and work with at-risk children in our counselling sessions. So it is not that we minimize the importance of raising the planetary citizens of tomorrow but we also know it takes villages to raise children as well. So we do our part as best we can through mentoring and support without having to have any of our own.
In our counseling work we remind parents that children are only loaned to them and as painful as it is to release off-springs to whatever they decide to do must be heart-wrenching...especially when you do not agree with their choice-making.
You are a strong, knowing, intelligent man and from the sound of it you are doing a good job with allowing your daughter to make her own mistakes and that you are there waiting in the wings as a witness and offering your unwavering support. All any of us can do is keep our hearts, minds and hands open so those we love. If we keep reminding them that that they are not walking their paths alone and we are there for them keeps the channels of communication open. By giving them the message that the love won't go away even when they make unwise choices creates emotional safety and will bring them back if and when they do run into problems. Hopefully your daughter will realize she deserves better than what she is getting and eventually choose someone who will love, honor and respect her the way you do.
If I have missed the mark with her, then there is nothing that I can do but love her and still wait for her to gather her wits and arrive at a new place in her life where she is wounded to the point that someone who loves her will have to piece the parts of her heart back together again.
This to is my job as a parent.
I accept it and do it gladly.
The wild thing is that I know that this guy that she is with, does not love her as much as I do and I thought she would notice that about him and say " If you can't love me and take care of me as well as my dad, then we don't need to be together"
I should scare her and tell her that I am going to send her up to Coralie and Davids heart repair retreat for deprogramming.
That would scare the britches off of her.
But she is 24 years old now and I can't use that tactic anymore.
Even the mightiest of men have a heart as gentle as a lamb, especially if it is for a child that they raised and took care of and nature nurtured to the best of their ability.
I am no different than any other man when it comes to my heart.
She is my best girl and she always will be no matter what.
You are welcome,
The fact that you understand your role as a parent and are continuing to support your daughter even though you disagree with her choice in a partner shows the depth of your love and respect for her.
David and I both got a kick out of your comment about sending her up to us when I shared it with him. We would welcome the opportunity to explore what this guy represents to her. We'd ask pointed questions about their shared dynamic and why she isn't able to take your concerns in around him. One of the most important questions would be is whether he expands and compliments her sense of self or erodes and diminishes it. Our work involves a lot of mirroring and encouraging others to consider why they are making the choices they are and what their belief are within their decision making. All change begins with awareness and no one can change anything until they begin living more consciously.
I am not telling you anything that you do not already know. From our I know you are a smart person who thinks things through.
Your closing comments are something I do not see in all men. Yes, many are capable of being strong enough to be gentle. However, there are many men and fathers in particular who are so wounded themselves that they are not able to be emotionally intimate and so they attempt to control, manipulate and demean others to show how manly they are.
I was sexually abused by my father and wounded emotionally, spiritually and mentally. It took years to take my power back and become whole, well and empowered. David's love, honor and respect took my healing journey the rest of the way and now I am able to look back and understand that my father was among the walking wounded and probably sexually abused as well. I made peace with all of it before he died and was there during his latter hours of life on this plane. I have written a book about my journey called I've Been There...A Testimony of Hope and we plan to launch it in the next few months. The website for the book is www.ibtbook.com
That is why I have so much respect for how devoted you are to your daughter. It is painful not to have the love, care and compassion from the man who was partly responsible for bringing you into the world. I am over that now but hold yourself in high regard to doing it differently.
Your daughter is fortunate indeed.