ACIM ~ Lesson 196. It can be but myself I crucify.

Lesson 196. It can be but myself I crucify.

(1) When this is firmly understood and kept in full awareness, you will not
attempt to harm yourself, nor make your body slave to vengeance. You will not
attack yourself, and you will realize that to attack another is but to attack
yourself. You will be free of the insane belief that to attack a brother saves
yourself. And you will understand his safety is your own, and in his healing you
are healed.

(2) Perhaps at first you will not understand how mercy, limitless and with all
things held in its sure protection, can be found in the idea we practice for
today. It may, in fact, appear to be a sign that punishment can never be escaped
because the ego, under what it sees as threat, is quick to cite the truth to
save its lies. Yet must it fail to understand the truth it uses thus. But you
can learn to see these foolish applications, and deny the meaning they appear to
have.

(3) Thus do you also teach your mind that you are not an ego. For the ways in
which the ego would distort the truth will not deceive you longer. You will not
believe you are a body to be crucified. And you will see within today's idea the
light of resurrection, looking past all thoughts of crucifixion and of death, to
thoughts of liberation and of life.

(4) Today's idea is one step we take in leading us from bondage to the state of
perfect freedom. Let us take this step today, that we may quickly go the way
salvation shows us, taking every step in its appointed sequence, as the mind
relinquishes its burdens one by one. It is not time we need for this. It is but
willingness. For what would seem to need a thousand years can easily be done in
just one instant by the grace of God.

(5) The dreary, hopeless thought that you can make attacks on others and escape
yourself has nailed you to the cross. Perhaps it seemed to be salvation. Yet it
merely stood for the belief the fear of God is real. And what is that but hell?
Who could believe his Father is his deadly enemy, separate from him, and waiting
to destroy his life and blot him from the universe, without the fear of hell
upon his heart?

(6) Such is the form of madness you believe, if you accept the fearful thought
you can attack another and be free yourself. Until this form is changed, there
is no hope. Until you see that this, at least, must be entirely impossible, how
could there be escape? The fear of God is real to anyone who thinks this thought
is true. And he will not perceive its foolishness, or even see that it is there,
so that it would be possible to question it.

(7) To question it at all, its form must first be changed at least as much as
will permit fear of retaliation to abate, and the responsibility returned to
some extent to you. From there you can at least consider if you want to go along
this painful path. Until this shift has been accomplished, you can not perceive
that it is but your thoughts that bring you fear, and your deliverance depends
on you.

(8) Our next steps will be easy, if you take this one today. From there we go
ahead quite rapidly. For once you understand it is impossible that you be hurt
except by your own thoughts, the fear of God must disappear. You cannot then
believe that fear is caused without. And God, Whom you had thought to banish,
can be welcomed back within the holy mind He never left.

(9) Salvation's song can certainly be heard in the idea we practice for today.
If it can but be you you crucify, you did not hurt the world, and need not fear
its vengeance and pursuit. Nor need you hide in terror from the deadly fear of
God projection hides behind. The thing you dread the most is your salvation. You
are strong, and it is strength you want. And you are free, and glad of freedom.
You have sought to be both weak and bound, because you feared your strength and
freedom. Yet salvation lies in them.

(10) There is an instant in which terror seems to grip your mind so wholly that
escape appears quite hopeless. When you realize, once and for all, that it is
you you fear, the mind perceives itself as split. And this had been concealed
while you believed attack could be directed outward, and returned from outside
to within. It seemed to be an enemy outside you had to fear. And thus a god
outside yourself became your mortal enemy; the source of fear.

(11) Now, for an instant, is a murderer perceived within you, eager for your
death, intent on plotting punishment for you until the time when it can kill at
last. Yet in this instant is the time as well in which salvation comes. For fear
of God has disappeared. And you can call on Him to save you from illusions by
His Love, calling Him Father and yourself His Son. Pray that the instant may be
soon,--today. Step back from fear, and make advance to love.

(12) There is no Thought of God that does not go with you to help you reach that
instant, and to go beyond it quickly, surely and forever. When the fear of God
is gone, there are no obstacles that still remain between you and the holy peace
of God. How kind and merciful is the idea we practice! Give it welcome, as you
should, for it is your release. It is indeed but you your mind can try to
crucify. Yet your redemption, too, will come from you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Commentary from Kenneth Wapnick's book set
 "Journey Through the Workbook of A Course in Miracles"

 http://www.facim.org
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Lesson 196. "It can be but myself I crucify."

*These next two lessons form a whole: when I choose wrongly, "It can be but
myself I crucify"; when I choose rightly, "It can be but my gratitude I earn."
An important point here is that the I to which Jesus refers is the decision
maker. This is true throughout A Course in Miracles, but it is especially
important in these lessons, which clearly place the problem in our minds -- the
seat of decision. Needless to say, the significance of this is that if it is my
decision to be crucified, I can reverse it. If I am not aware of my mind's
faulty choice, there is no hope for meaningful change.

This lesson also provides another summary of what I have referred to as the
ego's two-tiered or double-shielded strategy. Once the decision maker chooses
the ego over the Holy Spirit, the ego's fear is that it -- the Son of God --
would change its mind, and in that holy instant the ego would disappear. As a
defense, the ego devises a brilliant strategy -- the heart of Jesus' teachings
on the ego, and a theme running throughout these volumes. The plan is to make
the Son of God mindless, achieved once he experiences himself as a body,
governed by a brain. This ensures the continued existence of the ego's
individuality and specialness by preserving the Son's original decision for the
ego, since he no longer is able to change a mind he does not know he has.

The ego's scheme necessitates convincing the Son his mind is a dangerous place
to be in, which it does by fabricating a myth of the unholy trinity: the Son has
sinned against God, deserves to be punished because of his sin (the meaning of
guilt), and then fears the impending and inevitable attack. Thus the mind
becomes a lethal battleground on which, if the Son remains, he will most
certainly be destroyed. The ego's first shield of oblivion is its trinity, which
keeps the Son from looking at the truth of the Atonement within his right mind.
Once the danger of the mind is established, the Son accepts he can no longer
safely remain there, and a second shield or tier of defense is needed. Sin,
guilt, and fear are projected onto bodies, giving rise to a world in which we
see sin and guilt all around us, but not in ourselves. Even if we do judge
ourselves as sinners, we nonetheless believe someone else is responsible for our
fallen state. The fear that was originally within the mind is now perceived to
be external. When people attempt to describe their experience of God, they
frequently do so in terms of this dynamic of projection of guilt. Their God
becomes vengeful and insane, seeking only to punish His guilty Son for having
sinned against Him.

This, then, is the nature of the world in which we find ourselves, and we are
terrified at the prospect of death. As Freud taught, no sooner are we born then
we prepare to die. Everyone fears the death that signifies the end of life.
Though illusory, fear -- the essence of the ego's defensive system of illusions
-- is nonetheless intense, and at its core is this belief: "I deserve to die and
have my life taken by God, because I originally stole that life from Him." No
one comes here without that fear; but does not know whence it comes. Its source
appears to be without, but this conceals the source of fear that lies in the
mind's decision to join the ego.

The double shield, therefore -- internal guilt and external fear -- is the core
of the ego's strategy, exemplified in this important lesson.*

(1:1) "When this is firmly understood and kept in full awareness, you will not
attempt to harm yourself, nor make your body slave to vengeance."

*Jesus speaks frequently about the ego's plan because we cannot change our minds
about something of which we are not aware. When we accept his help in showing us
the ego's tactics in our lives, we loosen our hold on its thought system. Thus
it is imperative we pay careful attention to our thoughts and behavior in order
to see how they fulfill the ego's strategy. Having first denied the mind's
guilt, we project it, and all we then know is that others are trying to steal
from us. This justifies our need to defend ourselves and attack in return; the
content behind the all-too-familiar face of innocence.


"... the aspect acted on. It is this face that smiles and charms and even
seems to love....This aspect can grow angry, for the world is wicked and unable
to provide the love and shelter innocence deserves. ... This aspect never makes
the first attack. But every day a hundred little things make small assaults upon
its innocence, provoking it to irritation, and at last to open insult and
abuse." (T-31.V.2:6-7;3:1,3-4).

Thus this lesson highlights the importance of understanding that attack occurs
in the mind: the hatred of others, ours towards them, and our first attack --
the separation from God. Only by seeing how our lives exemplify the principle of
one or the other can we do something about it. Therefore our need for
vigilance to accept life as a classroom, with Jesus as our teacher. He does not
change the externals of our lives, but helps us recognize the ego's purpose for
them, enabling us to look beyond them to the light of truth the strategy was
intended to conceal.*

(1:2) "You will not attack yourself, and you will realize that to attack another
is but to attack yourself."

*When you understand the harm to you when you listen to the ego, you will no
longer do so. Remember, to the ego, salvation is attack, born of the original
thought of one or the other -- if I am to exist, God must be destroyed. All
our specific attack thoughts and behavior are shadowy fragments of this one
thought. Once we become aware that attack does not bring us happiness,
salvation, or life, but misery, pain, and death, we will change our minds,
ceasing all attacks on others because we no longer want to attack ourselves.
However, we must first see what the ego does not want us to see -- the
guilt-attack cycle and its devastating effect on us:

"The sick attraction of guilt must be recognized for what it is. For having
been made real to you, it is essential to look at it clearly, and by withdrawing
your investment in it, to learn to let it go. ... the ego attempts to maintain
and increase guilt, but in such a way that you do not recognize what it would do
to you. For it is the ego's fundamental doctrine that what you do to others you
have escaped. ... its survival depends on your belief that you are exempt from
its evil intentions. It counsels, therefore, that if you are host to it, it will
enable you to direct its anger outward, thus protecting you. And thus it embarks
on an endless, unrewarding chain of special relationships, forged out of anger
and dedicated to but one insane belief; that the more anger you invest outside
yourself, the safer you become." (T-15.VII.3:1-2;4:1-2,4-6).*

(1:3-4) "You will be free of the insane belief that to attack a brother saves
yourself. And you will understand his safety is your own, and in his healing you
are healed."

*This is the core of the holy relationship, which undoes all specialness:
recognizing that you and I share the same interests. If I attack and condemn
you, I am the one being attacked and crucified. If I free you and see the Christ
in you, I reinforce that vision in myself -- we are one. Understanding this is
the "way to remember God," as we have seen several times before:

"To perceive the healing of your brother as the healing of yourself is thus
the way to remember God." (T-12.II.2:9).*

(2:1-2) "Perhaps at first you will not understand how mercy, limitless and with
all things held in its sure protection, can be found in the idea we practice for
today. It may, in fact, appear to be a sign that punishment can never be escaped
because the ego, under what it sees as threat, is quick to cite the truth to
save its lies."

*Jesus explains that the ego would interpret this lesson as "I am always being
punished and thus will always suffer," for it continually adds two and two and
gets five. It takes seeming facts and arranges them to end with a false
conclusion, and so takes these words of truth and twists them to reinforce its
thought system so they would not release us from it.*

(2:3 -- 3:3) " Yet must it fail to understand the truth it uses thus. But you
can learn to see these foolish applications, and deny the meaning they appear to
have."
"Thus do you also teach your mind that you are not an ego. For the ways in which
the ego would distort the truth will not deceive you longer. You will not
believe you are a body to be crucified."

*Remember, the aim of the ego's strategy is to leave us convinced we are
mindless bodies -- the second part of the double shield -- deserving crucifixion
because we have done such terrible things. However, deeply embedded in this
belief is another that says even though I am a miserable wretch, punished for my
sin, someone sinned against me first. Thus it is still not my fault. To
reiterate this central point, the you Jesus addresses is the mind's decision
maker, which is taught not to see itself as an ego -- the mission Jesus gives us
for each other:


"Your mission is very simple. You are asked to live so as to demonstrate
that you are not an ego, and I do not choose God's channels wrongly."
(T-4.VI.6:2-3).*

(3:4) "And you will see within today's idea the light of resurrection, looking
past all thoughts of crucifixion and of death, to thoughts of liberation and of
life."

*Resurrection in A Course in Miracles, as we have seen earlier, is defined
as "awakening from the death." You cannot awaken, however, unless you know death
is a dream and not reality. Thus Jesus exposes the ego's strategy, teaching us
our experiences in the external dream world reflect the hidden dream. Both dream
layers are illusory -- ego defenses to conceal the fact we made the wrong choice
and now can make a better one. Jesus teaches us to move past the body's
experience to see it is as part of the ego's plan to keep us from the
resurrected light of salvation, which forgiveness of our brother so happily
brings about:

"The resurrection is the denial of death, being the assertion of life. Thus
is all the thinking of the world reversed entirely. Life is now recognized as
salvation, and pain and misery of any kind perceived as hell. Love is no longer
feared, but gladly welcomed. ...Christ's face is seen in every living thing, and
nothing is held in darkness, apart from the light of forgiveness."
(M-28.2:1-4,6).*

(4:1-2) "Today's idea is one step we take in leading us from bondage to the
state of perfect freedom. Let us take this step today, that we may quickly go
the way salvation shows us, taking every step in its appointed sequence, as the
mind relinquishes its burdens one by one."

*Our fear is so great we have to learn through the little steps God asks us to
take to Him (W-p1.193.13:7). Each step is the same, but until we generalize the
lessons of forgiveness and accept that everything we think is insane, we will
not be able to let the ego thought system go. There is thus need for daily
practice. Lesson 197 will be the second step, but today we take the first step
up the ladder separation led us down. There are yet many rungs to go, but we
have at last begun our ascent towards certain awakening.*

(4:3-4) "It is not time we need for this. It is but willingness."

*That is why Jesus talks so often about "a little willingness," which we need
because there is a part of us that remains so unwilling. That willingness is
born of the need to prove we are right and he is wrong. Suffering -- ours and
others' -- is the perfect way of proving that the littleness of the ego has
supplanted the magnitude of Christ:

"Your practice must therefore rest upon your willingness to let all
littleness go. The instant in which magnitude dawns upon you is but as far away
as your desire for it. As long as you desire it not and cherish littleness
instead, by so much is it far from you. By so much as you want it will you bring
it nearer." (T-15.IV.2:1-4).*

(4:5) "For what would seem to need a thousand years can easily be done in just
one instant by the grace of God."

*Strictly speaking, that should read: "by our choosing the grace of God";
otherwise it would seem that the grace of God is present sometimes but not
always. Implied here, however, is that the grace of God is present, but we need
to choose it. Being in the holy instant reflects the choice to be happy rather
than right, to have Jesus as our teacher rather than the ego. Importantly, this
lesson -- indeed A Course in Miracles itself -- helps us realize our fear of
choosing the holy instant and saving a thousand years through the miracle
(T-1:II.6:7). Yet when forgiveness undoes the fear, we become teachers of God,
whose time-saving function is to bring the ego's temporal darkness to the
timeless light:

"Their function is to save time. Each one begins as a single light, but with
the Call at its centre it is a light that cannot be limited. And each one saves
a thousand years of time as the world judges it." (M-1.2:11-13).*

(5:1) "The dreary, hopeless thought that you can make attacks on others and
escape yourself has nailed you to the cross."

*In other words, "It can be but myself I crucify." I cannot crucify you because
there is no one there to crucify, and I crucify the part of me I do not want to
recognize; another example of one or the other principle Jesus wants us to
unlearn. Thus we end our journey to the cross -- making someone else guilty for
our pain and suffering -- the meaning of this passage:

"The journey to the cross should be the last "useless journey". Do not
dwell upon it, but dismiss it as accomplished. If you can accept it as your own
last useless journey, you are also free to join my resurrection. Until you do so
your life is indeed wasted. It merely re-enacts the separation, the loss of
power, the futile attempts of the ego at reparation, and finally the crucifixion
of the body, or death. Such repetitions are endless until they are voluntarily
given up. Do not make the pathetic error of "clinging to the old rugged cross".
The only message of the crucifixion is that you can overcome the cross. Until
then you are free to crucify yourself as often as you choose. This is not the
Gospel I intended to offer you." (T-4.in.3:1-10).*

(5:2) "Perhaps it seemed to be salvation."

*From the ego's point of view, the original attack was salvation -- it saved the
ego. Obviously we believed, and still believe, that attack is salvation,
otherwise we would not be here:

"... those who believe they are guilty will respond to guilt, because they
think it is salvation, and will not refuse to see it and side with it. They
believe that increasing guilt is self-protection. And they will fail to
understand the simple fact that what they do not want must hurt them."
(T-14.III.10:2-4).

The thought that we attacked God, destroyed His Love, and crucified His Son so
we could exist lies buried in everyone's mind. Moreover, this underlying content
is reflected in the multitudinous choices and responses of our lives. We need to
recognize these for the darkness they are, by bringing them to the forgiving
light of the Holy Spirit.*

(5:3-4) "Yet it merely stood for the belief the fear of God is real. And what is
that but hell?"

*Our fear of God proves we have sinned, the separation is real, and the ego
thought system valid. This fear -- rooted in the ontological thought we attacked
God -- is reflected in our experience when we attack. The idea in sentence 1 --
"The dreary, hopeless thought that you can make attacks on others and escape
yourself" -- represents the effect of this insane belief, and hell is but its
shadowy effect, the just punishment for sin -- ours or another's. Thus we fear
God as the ultimate protection for our false self, the defense against our
reality:

"Fear of the Will of God is one of the strangest beliefs the human mind has
ever made. It could not possibly have occurred unless the mind were already
profoundly split, making it possible for it to be afraid of what it really is.
Reality cannot "threaten" anything except illusions, since reality can only
uphold truth. The very fact that the Will of God, which is what you are, is
perceived as fearful, demonstrates that you are afraid of what you are. ... What
seems to be the fear of God is really the fear of your own reality."
(W-9.1.1:1-4;2:2). *

(5:5) "Who could believe his Father is his deadly enemy, separate from him, and
waiting to destroy his life and blot him from the universe, without the fear of
hell upon his heart?"

*Jesus clearly speaks of all of us, whether or not we are aware of this thought.
The very fact we believe we can survive only by breathing, eating, and having
our specialness needs met is proof we believe we exist, which means we exist at
God's expense. Thus do we all await God's fury and vengeance, being overcome
with the burden of our dreaded and certain destruction.*

(6:1) "Such is the form of madness you believe, if you accept the fearful
thought you can attack another and be free yourself."

*Whenever you find yourself wanting to be happy at someone's expense, reveling
in another's painful mistake, or feeling justified in your criticism of others,
you reflect the underlying thought of madness that says God is your enemy. You
can escape His wrath only by proving others are miserable sinners so God will
punish them instead of you -- the ego's insane magic. That is why specifics were
made -- "Hate is specific," to quote Lesson 161 (7:1). The purpose behind my
hatred and specialness is that I can point the sinners out to God, Who will
destroy them and spare me, the innocent victim -- a dynamic that is out of
awareness:

"What you project you disown, and therefore do not believe is yours. You
are excluding yourself by the very judgment that you are different from the one
on whom you project. Since you have also judged against what you project, you
continue to attack it because you continue to keep it separated. By doing this
unconsciously, you try to keep the fact that you attacked yourself out of
awareness, and thus imagine that you have made yourself safe." (T-6.II.2).*

(6:2) "Until this form is changed, there is no hope."

*Jesus means "thought" when he says "form" -- the thought that God is our enemy.
This is the linch-pin that holds the ego thought system together; remove it, and
the ego crumbles. Thus it is never the specific form of the attack that is the
problem, but the attack thought itself. In other words, we do not change the
effect but the cause, as the following passage from Psychotherapy makes
clear, in the context of the forms of sickness:

"Sickness takes many forms, and so does unforgiveness. The forms of one but
reproduce the forms of the other, for they are the same illusion. So closely is
one translated into the other, that a careful study of the form a sickness takes
will point quite clearly to the form of unforgiveness that it represents. Yet
seeing this will not effect a cure. That is achieved by only one recognition;
that only forgiveness heals an unforgiveness, and only an unforgiveness can
possibly give rise to sickness of any kind." (P-2.VI.5)

The point here is that changing the symptom, form, or effect will not heal the
problem. Only undoing the cause -- the unforgiveness of God's Son -- can do
that, and forgiveness is the means of this undoing.*

(6:3-5) "Until you see that this, at least, must be entirely impossible, how
could there be escape? The fear of God is real to anyone who thinks this thought
is true. And he will not perceive its foolishness, or even see that it is there,
so that it would be possible to question it."

*Jesus appeals to us once again to understand his message. Thus there is a text
to be studied. If we do not do so, thinking that understanding the ego is
unimportant, we but fear looking at the ego thought system we have made both
real and terrifying. The perfect way to keep the ego intact is not to know we
have one, and certainly not to understand the dynamics of attack that are the
core of its thought system. That is why Jesus insisted to Helen and Bill during
the dictation that they "study the notes." He wanted them, as he wants all of
us, to understand the ego's insane and murderous dynamics. Without identifying
these in our personal lives -- exemplifying the principle of <one or the other>
-- we will not be able to change our minds.

In "Atonement without Sacrifice," Jesus discusses the traditional Christian
error of believing that God sent Jesus into the world to suffer and die on the
cross so we miserable sinners would be saved. He explains this insanity of this
belief, and then says:

"It is so essential that all such thinking be dispelled that we must be
sure that nothing of this kind remains in your mind." (T-3.1:2:9).

Jesus speaks specifically to the idea that God should be feared because He is a
persecutor. This emphatic statement from the text goes directly to the heart of
the lesson. Jesus tells all of us that we must understand the ego in order to
let in go. "It makes no sense," he says, "to my help for something you do not
know exists. I cannot take it from you unless you first bring it to me, that we
may look at it together." Recall his crucial statement:

"You may wonder why it is so crucial that you look upon your hatred and
realize its full extent. You may also think that it would be easy enough for the
Holy Spirit to show it to you, and to dispel it without the need for you to
raise it to awareness yourself." (T-13.III.1:1-2).

We must do our part so he may do his.

Moreover, Jesus pleads with us to realize how the <one or the other> mentality
permeates everything in our lives -- shadowy fragments of the thought that God
is to be feared because we first attacked Him. The foolishness of this thought
must be perceived before we can change it, for only when we look at the
implications of this belief can we truly question our holding on to the insanity
that God is the enemy. Even a mild judgment reflects this underlying thought
system of hate and fear, and keeps us from sanity beyond the ego's madness.*

(7:1) "To question it at all, its form must first be changed at least as much as
will permit fear of retaliation to abate, and the responsibility returned to
some extent to you."

*In other words, I must see that the fear of God does not come from God but from
me: "It can be but myself I crucify" -- I set this up. The emphasis is thus on
understanding the ego's strategy, specifically projection. Jesus told Helen and
Bill that one advantage psychologists had in terms of A Course in Miracles was
their understanding of this dynamic. However, one need not have a doctorate in
psychology to understand that what we see in others is a projection of what we
have made real in ourselves -- projection makes perception. If we believe God
is to be feared, the problem is we believe we are to be feared -- God is not the
murderer; we are.*

(7:2-3) "From there you can at least consider if you want to go along this
painful path. Until this shift has been accomplished, you can not perceive that
it is but your thoughts that bring you fear, and your deliverance depends on
you."

*Once you understand the ego's dynamics, you can ask whether this is what you
truly want. However, you must see the connection between what you think are
justified attacks against another, and their effects on you. It is not the other
person you are hurting, but yourself. This reflects the thought system that says
it was God or me, and I won; but now God will satisfy His vengeance. You need to
understand the ego's strategy of denying the mind's power to choose the dream,
realizing it is this power that determines what you perceive. Remember that
perception is interpretation. If you feel people are treating you unfairly, it
is because you want to be treated unfairly, regardless of what they do or say.
If you make your reaction real, it is because you want it to be real, with your
sins resting on someone else. This lesson helps you realize that by attacking
others you secretly attack and imprison yourself. Yet because you chose attack,
you can choose against it:

"Every brother you meet becomes a witness for Christ or for the ego,
depending on what you perceive in him. Everyone convinces you of what you want
to perceive, and of the reality of the kingdom you have chosen for your
vigilance. Everything you perceive is a witness to the thought system you want
to be true. Every brother has the power to release you, if you choose to be
free. You cannot accept false witness of him unless you have evoked false
witnesses against him. If he speaks not of Christ to you, you spoke not of
Christ to him. You hear but your own voice, and if Christ speaks through you,
you will hear Him."(T-11.V.18).

I therefore am my own jailor and prisoner, and liberator.*

(8:1) "Our next steps will be easy, if you take this one today."

*Our deliverance depends on us, as does our experience of crucifixion. This next
step entails accepting this as a fact.*

(8:2-4) "From there we go ahead quite rapidly. For once you understand it is
impossible that you be hurt except by your own thoughts, the fear of God must
disappear. You cannot then believe that fear is caused without."

*When you understand the ego's two-shield strategy, you will realize that what
you perceive outside -- being hurt by others (the first shield) -- comes from a
belief in sin (the second shield) that is also made up. I can indeed be hurt,
but only by my thoughts. Within the dream they have tremendous power -- over me
and everyone else -- yet when I stand with Jesus outside the dream, I realize
the powerlessness of these thoughts, which are truly nothing. If so, I as a
separated entity am nothing as well. Thus I did not sin against God and have no
guilt to make me fear His punishment. Note these comments on the ego's use of
fear to entrap us in its thought system of separation, yet not allowing us to
perceive its deviousness:

"Minimizing fear, but not its undoing, is the ego's constant effort, and is
indeed a skill at which it is very ingenious. How can it preach separation
without upholding it through fear, and would you listen to it if you recognized
this is what it is doing?" (T-11.V.9:2-3)

And finally : *

(8:5) "And God, Whom you had thought to banish, can be welcomed back within the
holy mind He never left."

*We banished God, and thus we choose to welcome Him back. We saw in Lesson 194
how the ego seeks to convince us we cannot trust God. Jesus tells us we can, for
His Love will not hurt us nor demand sacrifice. Thinking It would is sheer
insanity, born of the need to prove Jesus is wrong and we are right. How glad we
are to learn that God has not changed, as His Love gently calls us to return to
Him and to our Self!

"Come unto Me, My children, once again, without such twisted thoughts upon your
hearts. You still are holy with the Holiness which fathered you in perfect
sinlessness, and still surrounds you with the Arms of peace. ... You are he your
Father loves, who never left his home, nor wandered in a savage world with feet
that bleed, and with a heavy heart made hard against the love that is the truth
in you." (S-3.IV.6:1-2,5).*

(9:1-2) "Salvation's song can certainly be heard in the idea we practice for
today. If it can but be you you crucify, you did not hurt the world, and need
not fear its vengeance and pursuit."

*This makes sense only when you shift from the ego's interpretation and step
with Jesus out of the dream. Within the dream, crucifying oneself means
everything, but outside it you cannot but hear salvation's song in the holy
instant when you realize nothing happened inside yourself, nor to God, and
therefore you did nothing to the world. Your sin, in other words, had no effect.
Helen's "The Singing" gently sings this song of peace to us:

There is a singing underneath the world
That holds it up, and enters in behind
All twisted thoughts, and comes to set them straight.
There is an ancient melody that still
Abides in every mind and sings of peace,
Eternity, and all the quiet things
That God created. Angels sing with joy,
And offer you their song, for it is yours.
You sing as ceaselessly. The Son of God
Can never sing alone. His voice is shared
By all the universe. It is a the call
To God, and answered by His Voice Itself.
(The Gifts of God, p,25).*

(9:3-4) "Nor need you hide in terror from the deadly fear of God projection
hides behind. The thing you dread the most is your salvation."

*We have already quoted from "The Fear of Redemption," which explains how our
true fear is of love. As long as we identify with the ego's individuality, we
will fear being saved from guilt for this means realizing we were wrong, the
Holy Spirit right, and the ego's thought system of separation predicated on a
lie. Here is the passage again:

"You are not really afraid of crucifixion. Your real terror is of
redemption."

"Under the ego's dark foundation is the memory of God, and it is of this
that you are really afraid. For this memory would instantly restore you to your
proper place, and it is this place that you have sought to leave. Your fear of
attack is nothing compared to your fear of love. You would be willing to look
even upon your savage wish to kill God's Son, if you did not believe that it
saves you from love. For this wish caused the separation, and you have protected
it because you do not want the separation healed. You realize that, by removing
the dark cloud that obscures it, your love for your Father would impel you to
answer His call and leap into Heaven. You believe that attack is salvation
because it would prevent you from this. For still deeper than the ego's
foundation, and much stronger than it will ever be, is your intense and burning
love of God, and His for you. This is what you really want to hide." 
(T-13.III.1.10-2:9).

This passage is one of the clearest statements in A Course in Miracles about the
role of attack and fear in defending us from love, in the presence of which our
separated and special self would quietly disappear into the Heart of God.*

(9:5-8) "You are strong, and it is strength you want. And you are free, and glad
of freedom. You have sought to be both weak and bound, because you feared your
strength and freedom. Yet salvation lies in them."

*To the insane ego we are free only when we are on our own, having escaped the
tyranny of God. True freedom, however, comes in recognizing we are an
indivisible part of God's Oneness. Our strength and freedom lie in the decision
maker, the part of our minds that chooses love over fear, correcting our
mistaken choice that made us weak and bound. It is thus our will, chosen by the
mind, that reflects the power of God. To help us remember this power Jesus gave
us his course, and his loving presence as teacher and guide:

"Nothing God created can oppose your decision, as nothing God created can
oppose His Will. God gave your will its power, which I [ Jesus ] can only
acknowledge in honor of His. ... I can teach you, but only you can choose to
listen to my teaching. How else can it be, if God's Kingdom is freedom? ... I
will always remember you, and in my remembrance of you lies your remembrance of
yourself. In our remembrance of each other lies our remembrance of God. And in
this remembrance lies your freedom because your freedom is in Him."
(T-8:IV.6:1-2:6:1-2, 5-6;7:5-7).*

(10:1) "There is an instant in which terror seems to grip your mind so wholly
that escape appears quite hopeless."

*This is the dynamic that Jesus discussed in Lesson 170, saying: "This moment
can be terrible" (W-p1.170.8:1). The second shield -- the world and the body --
was produced specifically so we would not have to deal with the horror of
believing we are guilty sinners who deserve punishment -- the first shield. The
ego had us project our sin and guilt in order to see them in others, which is
why we are much more comfortable believing God is the murderer than accepting
that we are. We have seen the ego's purpose is to keep the separation it stole
from God, but not be responsible for it. Thus we gladly quake before the world's
evil, for it proves our innocence. The more unfairly treated we feel, the better
we like it because our own sin goes unnoticed. Thus God will punish someone else
instead. Yet when we bring the thought back to our minds and move past the ego's
second shield to the first, we are gripped by the terror that drove us out of
our minds in the first place: I am the sinner that God will destroy.*

(10:2) "When you realize, once and for all, that it is you you fear, the mind
perceives itself as split."

*When I return to my mind, there is an instant when I realize I am the sinner
and it is <my> mind that is split -- not a split between my body and another's,
which is the perceived source of my victimization, but between me as the sinful
victimizer and the God Who will destroy me, which is the perceived source of my
terror. In the following passage, Jesus describes two kinds of dreams; the
body's, in which everyone plots against me, and the mind's, in which I am the
killer:

"A brother separated from yourself, an ancient enemy, a murderer who stalks
you in the night and plots your death, yet plans that it be lingering and slow;
of this you dream. Yet underneath this dream is yet another, in which you become
the murderer, the secret enemy, the scavenger and the destroyer of your brother
and the world alike." (T-27.VII.12:1-2).

Feeling terror in our minds was the first part of the ego's strategy, and it led
to turning to it for help: "If I stay in my mind I will certainly be destroyed;
get me out of here." This directly led to the making of the world.*

(10:3-5) "And this had been concealed while you believed attack could be
directed outward, and returned from outside to within. It seemed to be an enemy
outside you had to fear. And thus a god outside yourself became your mortal
enemy; the source of fear."

*The world conceals both the thought I am the sinner, and the horrifying terror
of annihilation connected with that thought. The world of specifics was made
precisely so that we would perceive the murderer outside rather than inside, as
we saw in Lesson 161.*

(11:1) "Now, for an instant, is a murderer perceived within you, eager for your
death, intent on plotting punishment for you until the time when it can kill at
last."

*This is the ego's unholy instant, and the murderer is ourselves; the split-off
part we do not want to see. In other words, another is not holding a revolver to
my head, <I> am. And if remain within my mind, I am told by the ego, I will
certainly be destroyed. Remember that sin, guilt, and fear -- the unholy trinity
-- are made up, though they seem so very real. If we could but remain with them
and instant longer, we would understand the now-familiar secret of salvation:

"The secret of salvation is but this: That you are doing this unto yourself.
No matter what the form of the attack, this still is true. ...The Holy Spirit
will repeat this one inclusive lesson of deliverance until it has been learned,
regardless of the form of suffering that brings you pain. Whatever hurt you
bring to Him He will make answer with this very simple truth. For this one
answer takes away the cause of every form of sorrow and of pain. ... And you
will understand that miracles reflect the simple statement, "I have done this
thing, and it is this I would undo (T-27.VIII.10:1-2;11: 2-4, 6).*

(11:2) "Yet in this instant is the time as well in which salvation comes."

*In the holy instant we look with Jesus at the ego's unholy instant of sin,
guilt, and fear, the source of linear time. In his gentle forgiveness we realize
we made it all up; not only the material universe and our bodies, but the
thought system that gave rise to them. The hatred of the world is illusory as is
the hatred of ourselves -- made for the specific purpose of keeping us from
changing our minds and choosing the Atonement. That is why it is imperative to
understand the ego's strategy and its principles, and see their application in
our lives. When we step outside the ego dream with Jesus, he explains the ego's
dynamics so we understand that what we see outside is a mirror of what we first
made real within; an illusion reflecting itself in illusion. In the holy instant
we recognize the illusory the nature of the ego's defensive system against
choosing against it in the first place. In that recognition the ego disappears
back "into the nothingness from which it came" (M-13.1:2), as we now read:*

(11:3-4) "For fear of God has disappeared. And you can call on Him to save you
from illusions by His Love, calling Him Father and yourself His Son."

*Thus do the images of my separated self and a wrathful God disappear. This
undoing is set in motion by asking Jesus for help that I shift perception of my
special relationship. I begin where I am, in the midst of my specialness, and
look differently at the world. As I do, I begin to understand how each and every
relationship is an aspect of the ego's ingenious plot to keep me from awakening
unto God as His beloved Son. Yet I cannot call myself His Son unless I include
<all> my brothers. This need to exclude parts of the Sonship reinforces the fear
of reprisal; the shadowy fragment of the fear of God's punishment that is the
ego's primary defense against our rejoining His Love. This passage from "The
Closing of the Gap" expresses the wholeness of the Sonship and its oneness with
God, and the ego's need to erect a gap of hate for protection:

"There is no time, no place, no state where God is absent. There is nothing
to be feared. There is no way in which a gap could be conceived of in the
Wholeness that is His. The compromise the least and the littlest gap would
represent in His eternal Love is quite impossible. For it would mean His Love
could harbor just a hint of hate, His gentleness turn sometimes to attack, and
His eternal patience sometimes fail. All this do you believe, when you perceive
a gap between your brother and yourself. How could you trust Him then? For He
must be deceptive in His Love. Be wary, then; let Him not come too close, and
leave a gap between you and His Love, through which you can escape if there be
need for you to flee."
"Here is the fear of God most plainly seen. For love is treacherous to
those who fear, since fear and hate can never be apart. No one who hates but is
afraid of love, and therefore must he be afraid of God." (-29.1.1:1--2:3).

The fear of God is thus undone by removing the gaps we interposed between
ourselves and others. Forgiveness is Jesus' means to lift the final veil and
lead us home, together with all our brothers. Recall this lovely passage from
the discussion of the final obstacle to peace:

"Free your brother here, as I freed you. Give him the self-same gift, nor
look upon him with condemnation of any kind. See him as guiltless as I look on
you, and overlook the sins he thinks he sees within himself. ...So will we
prepare together the way unto the resurrection of God's Son, and let him rise
again to glad remembrance of his Father, Who knows no sin, no death, but only
life eternal."
"Together we will disappear into the Presence beyond the veil, not to be
lost but found; not to be seen but known.... Here is the peace of God, given to
you eternally by Him.... Heaven is the gift you owe your brother, the debt of
gratitude you offer to the Son of God in thanks for what he is, and what his
Father created him to be." (T-29.IV-D.18:1-3,5--19:1,4,6.).*

(11:5-6) "Pray that the instant may be soon,--today. Step back from fear, and
make advance to love."

*This is the choice to realize we were wrong about fear, and love was right.*

(12:1) "There is no Thought of God that does not go with you to help you reach
that instant, and to go beyond it quickly, surely and forever."

*The help is within us. We need but call upon it, and God's Thoughts --
unchanged and unchanging -- spring suddenly into awareness and we feel safe,
knowing we are loved:

"The Thought God holds of you is perfectly unchanged by your forgetting. It
will always be exactly as it was before the time when you forgot, and will be
just the same when you remember. And it is the same within the interval when you
forgot."
"The Thoughts of God are far beyond all change, and shine forever. They
await not birth. They wait for welcome and remembering." (T-30.III.7:6--8:3).*

(12:2) "When the fear of God is gone, there are no obstacles that still remain
between you and the holy peace of God."

*When our fear of God is gone, guilt and sin must go as well, leaving only the
peace and love of Heaven, as we read in this inspiring and happily familiar
passage.

"The holy place on which you stand is but the space that sin has left. And
here you see the face of Christ, arising in its place. Who could behold the face
of Christ and not recall His Father as He really is? Who could fear love, and
stand upon the ground where sin has left a place for Heaven's altar to rise and
tower far above the world, and reach beyond the universe to touch the Heart of
all creation? What is Heaven but a song of gratitude and love and praise by
everything created to the Source of its creation? The holiest of altars is set
where once sin was 'believed to be. And here does every light of Heaven come, to
be rekindled and increased in joy. For here is what was lost restored to them,
and all their radiance made whole again." (T-26.IV.3).*

(12:3-6) "How kind and merciful is the idea we practice! Give it welcome, as you
should, for it is your release. It is indeed but you your mind can try to
crucify. Yet your redemption, too, will come from you."

*Once again, the <you> is the decision making part of the mind. To the ego, a
lesson like this adds even more fuel to its fires of guilt and fear. To our
right minds, however, it is our release and redemption. Indeed, we <are>
responsible for everything, but this everything is really nothing; a clever ruse
to hide the Love of God. to this happy thought we say a grateful "Amen," through
Helen's poem of the same name:

Love does not crucify. It only saves.
God's Son cannot be hurt. Let him not think
That he is slave of time or punishment.
Created out of Love, his shining head
And loving heart can only save the world.
Who but its maker can redeem it? What
Except the Word of truth can liberate
Whom he imprisons? Let him be Himself,
And not one star can lose a single gleam,
Or flicker in uncertain galaxy
Without a purpose and without a cause.
No blade of grass but rises perfectly
From earth toward Heaven. And no sin appears
To hold in shadows whom all Heaven loves
God does not crucify. He merely is.
(The Gifts of God, p.91).

Now we are ready to take the second step, Lesson 197.*