Woman, Sing Your Song of Self-Love
Women are powerful, brave, beautiful beings worthy of adoration and love.
Welcome to realizing the power of being a Woman.
Just being who you are, in itself, is Magnificent.
Let's have a look at some of the words and phrases associated with being a Woman:
The Beloved, Mother Earth, the Triple Goddess, Queen, Angel, Mother, Child, Darling, Princess, Peace-Lover, Joan of Arc, Helen of Troy, Femme Fatale, a Warrior, Lioness, Creator, The Self, Nurturer, She-Wolf, Partner, Wife, Lover, Sister, Daughter and Conqueror.
A powerful, infinite being indeed, with the limitless essence of all of the above, within.
What we are capable of, is profound.
Yet, most of us, when asked, find it difficult to describe who we are.
Do you think it's because we sometimes feel that we don't know who we are anymore?
Or is it because we have become so caught up in our roles in life?
Or is it perhaps that we are still trying to figure out who we are?
Or are we tenaciously protecting the image of what we would like the world to perceive us as, so that no one will see who we believe we really are?
How is who we feel we truly are, different from who we would like to portray externally?
Who is the real woman behind the armour, the masks, the pretending and lists of to-do's; supposed-to's; should's and musts and has-to's and expectations (perceived or real) of whom we are to be?
Must perform, must excel, must be the best and be seen as being all-competent. We feel that that is what is required of us, otherwise we have failed.
Your self-esteem and subsequently how you feel about yourself, have a direct effect on your life; including your health, your day-to-day function, your career, your relationships, and your interactions with your children, if you have any.
We have the power to un-shackle ourselves from anything that limits us or restrains us from 'living ourselves' to our fullest potential.
Straining under the burden of a negative self-image, especially if we are harboring certain feelings about ourselves since childhood, costs us dearly in the long run, especially when trying to live a happy, successful life. We cannot sweep the self-doubting and insecurities under the carpet or lock them away anymore, as they will fester and grow more malicious with time.
Working with a journal, jotting down our beliefs, feelings and thoughts about who we are, has proven to be of great value in uncovering the real person we are. Not the one who we believe we are expected to be, but the woman we really are, and the one which we will be with peace in our heart.
If there are negative words or phrases that you remember being told as a child, examine those, all of them.
Write it down, and then ask yourself how realistic it was to own those statements for yourself. It does not mean that they are true and valid, just because our parents or people in a position of perceived authority said so.
Decide whether you still want to carry that with you, whether you want that to still disempower you, whether you still want that to determine who you truly are.
Like many other young children, I was sexually abused as a child. Going through life, I found it interesting to hear people's advice in the media, in the tea-rooms, even in boardrooms, on how people who have experienced sexual molestation as a child should cope with it.
I always wondered whether these people who so readily passed advice (or judgment --'Oh, they should just create a new childhood for themselves and get over themselves!') were in fact abused as children themselves.
More on this topic in another article.
In order to free ourselves, it is required that we change the way that we think about ourselves and our meaning in life.
What you think results in what you feel and in your behavior. It is paramount to uncover the negative, inaccurate thoughts and beliefs. Write them down and replace those with love-affirming ones. Do this continuously, repeatedly, until the old, negative thoughts are no longer there.
Reading books by Louise Hay is a profound way of healing these negative thought patterns.
*Have you looked in the mirror lately, really looked at the woman you see there?
See if you can see the Soul of the following woman, looking back at you:
She is beautiful and intelligent; worthy of adoration, respect and admiration. She is confident, intriguing, sassy, resilient, creative, meaningful, courageous, omnipotent and invaluable.
Incidentally: The, "beautiful," I am referring to here, transcends the idolized images in glossy magazines, on television and the silver screen.
The beautiful I am talking about is not to be found in a bottle or as a result of a scalpel. This beauty radiates from within you, and how it looks on your face and body should be celebrated with pride and gratitude. And no one has to tell me that what I am referring to is not easy! But it is the truth, and we have to learn to accept and love every inch of ourselves with respect and joy.
This is the face and the body that survived all that it has until now, and it still works and it is still glorious and magnificent.
And that is the beauty I am talking about: it never ages and never fades and it has the endurance to bloom for forever.
The woman in the mirror is forgiven by Mother Universe for all the known and unknown transgressions over time. All she has to do is to also allow herself the gift and release of self-forgiveness.
She knows about sorrow, and heart-ache and crying, until it feels like she has cried out her Soul, as well as a hole through her bed.
She is all the more wise and strong for all the tears that she has cried and all the mending that her heart has survived. Due to her experience with these tears and this pain in her life, she has compassion and loving understanding for the pain of others.
She has learned that the difficulties and sorrows of life all carry the treasure of valuable lessons which contribute to her growth.
She is a being who has the precious, inherent gift to nurture and provide sustenance to others, to assist them in believing in themselves and growing big and strong and proud of whom they are.
She has the ability to find a solution when it seems there is none to be found.
She is a woman of priceless value, who is worthy of unconditional acceptance, adoration and love.
Do you believe that of yourself?
If your answer is Yes; Well Done!!!
You thus understand that who we believe we are, is who we will manifest ourselves as.
There is of course something else to also consider:
If we do not believe that we are worthwhile and if we keep invalidating ourselves, others would know or see or sense this, as eventually the mask will slip somewhere, no matter how clever we are. As much as we would like for others to see us as worthwhile, that cannot happen if we don't see and believe that first.
For a long time, I closed off my heart and my being to everyone, feeling that if I wore enough amour, no one could come close enough to hurt me again.
I allowed my insecurity to over-rule my sense of logic. I felt crazy, voided, numbed by an excruciating pain that I could not explain or clear my Soul of. I was sickened by this dread and the feeling of not being worthy. Of lack and incompleteness and forsakenness.
I was so obsessed with the notion of not being enough:
not worthy of sincere love.
My sense of me was ruled by this deficiency; the anguish of it in my Soul burnt a hole through my heart and left me feeling lost and unloved. I had done this, I had allowed this and I needed to remove this festering, gnarly cancerous sickness within me.
I was very angry at myself for being in that desolate space again, I felt that I was drowning in my own insignificance, my anger destroying me from within, gnawing at me whilst I was still conscious.
What was the debilitating pain that engulfed my sense of okay-ness? I felt that I was precariously balancing on the edge of my core; which felt like it was spinning like a top about to fall off the edge.
Where was my sense of Self in all of this? Where was my equilibrium? My yin and my yang struggling for power, each trying to overthrow the other -- the yin in control, then yang -- one big blur of confusion.
I wanted to get off this not so merry, merry-go-round; stick my foot out to brake against tarmac or grass... preferably grass. I wanted to feel sunshine inside of me again, instead of this suffocating heartache.
I wanted to be exposed to light and love and kindness, but the brokenness of having done that before and being hurt, and still carrying the hurt, made me armour myself, shield myself, so that no one could come close enough to see me and hurt me; even though I wanted them to SEE me and love me and find me beautiful and worthy.
I had to physically remove myself from where I was, in order to be free to grow. I still cling to this freedom with tremendous tenacity.
I had to take back my power and re-consider and re-structure my life. Additionally, I wanted to re-structure my life in such a way that I felt that it was truly mine, and that it was meaningful and worthy of being lived passionately.
If you feel that you are a victim, renounce victimhood, and celebrate the fact that you are a heroine, a goddess, victorious over the past.
You do not have to fear your past anymore. You do not have to allow the past to be a limitation on who you are. Intentionally move forward by using what can be learnt from the past, as building blocks for the foundation of your new life, for the new, real you.
We decide who we are and we have the choice to bring that most exquisite being, our true Self, out into the open.
We have the choice to believe in our potential. And WOW!!!! We are limitless.
We have the choice to forgive ourselves, no matter what we did or how much we think we do not deserve to be forgiven -- Listen: Forgive yourself and let it go so that you can LIVE.
It is our choice whether we allow anyone to treat us in a manner that we do not want to experience and feel we do not deserve.
If you feel fearful, use the fear as a catalyst to find a safe way to remove yourself and yours out of that situation.
It is our choice whether we want to believe that we are nothing and worthless and used-up.
It is also, instantaneously, our choice to believe that we are that beautiful and intelligent, worthy of adoration, respect and admiration, confident, intriguing, sassy, resilient, creative, meaningful, courageous, omnipotent and invaluable woman that I was referring to earlier.
We have the opportunity to give ourselves the permission to be the unique woman that each of us is.
Without the deep-seated baggage of anger, self-rejection, guilt and lack of self-worth that we have been dragging along throughout our lives. Without any of the labels and stickers that the actions of others might have stuck onto us -- Let that GO.
That woman in the mirror is secure, unconquerable, unstoppable, grounded, and irrepressible.
I want you to know that your most powerful medicine is to love and accept yourself, truly, unconditionally.
No matter what, who, when, why or how it happened, whenever, whatever -- just stop thinking about that and believing any of the repercussions of those incidents.
The most fundamental change that is required is to give yourself a break and accept all of who you are, right now, in all your glory, and LOVE You.
LOVE where you have been, the life that you have lived, the hardships that you have endured and conquered and how that has made you whom you are today. Be Proud of what you have accomplished!
LOVE yourself the way that you have always yearned to be loved, from when you were a little girl.
Accept who you are, this second, without any judgment, and without worrying whether someone else would approve of this or not. It has nothing to do with anyone else; this is all about You, and only You.
Once you get this and understand that this is related to setting yourself free from years of entrapment, chains of habitual thought that have limited whom you are, you can let go.
Allowing others to treat you in a manner befitting that small, insignificant image that you have had of yourself does not serve you anymore. Voice who you are and how you would like to be respected and honored. If this is not honored, decide whether this is what you truly desire for your life. If not, decide how to get to where you want to be.
And it will come to you, if you believe in yourself and do it for yourself.
*A note here: If, when you looked in the mirror, you saw marks on your face and/or body that do not belong there, as someone else put them there, you need to take a good look at that too.
And any other marks which you are hiding from the world. And if you belong to a religion that tells you to be submissive as a woman and to just have faith and it will all come right, leave that religion, remove yourself from their fellowship, as there is not a Deity or Life-Force that would wish for you to submit yourself and your loved ones to such treatment.
Find someone whom you can trust, and speak to them about the circumstances.
Fear is debilitating but we were not created to live in fear. We were created to live in love and joy and hope and peace and meaning.
I'm not telling you to make a rash decision, especially when it has to do with you and/or your children's personal safety. The first priority is obviously to ensure that no harm comes to you or your children.
Staying silent out of shame is not the answer, and domestic abuse is not something to be ashamed about. Speak to people who you feel you can trust or contact your local or regional Life line or support line. Tell them what the problem is and ask what their best practice advice would be to get you and yours out of the unsafe or unbearable situation, safely. Without any harmful repercussions.
Know your worth and do not allow yourself to forget that. Write it in large letters and stick it up on your mirror, on your wall, on the fridge, the inside of the front door, so that you can see it before you leave in the morning; write it in your heart.
Write down your dreams, plan how you are going to make them happen, ask for them to come true. And then watch and rejoice!
You are you because of who you believe you are, and the limits that you set for yourself are the only ones that hold you back.
You can choose whatever you want for your life.
You do not need to have someone in your life romantically to be validated for who you are.
We are living in 2010 -- you choose whether you want to make love, you choose with whom that would be.
You choose when, and if you don't believe that you should be in a relationship or marriage to have sex, then don't be, in order to enjoy and express your sensuality and sexuality.
(More on this topic in an upcoming article, called Unveiling the Sensual Woman. I hope you are as excited about that one as I am!)
You choose whether their love-making techniques make you feel like the real woman that you are, or whether you put up with it, just to validate that you are ok -- by saying that at least someone is sexually interested in you.
Rubbish! And you deserve better.
If they are fumbling and hurting you and not hitting the spot, say so. Show them how to please you. If they are not interested in changing their behavior to assure your pleasure, say your goodbyes, as life is too short and you are too precious to not receive that intention. Say it: Bye-Bye!
Being a new generation, assertive, self-worthy woman does not mean that we are any less feminine or that we need to burn all of our bras. Nooo!!! The thought of that makes me giggle nervously, as:
a) They are darn expensive
b) I love my bras, they are gorgeous and accentuate my feelings of being sexy
c) I need their 'support', *Smiles*
You decide to be single or not, to be free and whether you want to stay free or not, to have kids or not, to have an apartment or a house, a dog or a cat, if you feel like being a brunette, redhead, blonde or raven-haired diva, even the colour of your car and your eyes.
Are you living tentatively? No more of that: Live passionately, be yummy and giddy-happy, live with joy and the full-blown intention to be happy, NOW.
Stick your tongue out at someone if you feel like doing it!
Sing and boogie along to "Whoa-oa-oa! I feel good, I knew that I would, now" by James Brown.
Are you living consciously? What is your meaning? To know what this is, is a huge boost to one's self-esteem.
Understand your fundamental goodness, and the power of that. You are good enough, so much more than just good. Believe that for yourself, and see what the Universe brings to you. You will notice the arrival of new friends, on better, higher levels, who are beneficial to your growth, to celebrate your life with you.
Move on, let go of the debris, let it fall as it will, in order for you to shine your light and sing your new song of Self-Love. And in singing your new song, you will show a new you to the world, one that would inspire and encourage others to want to follow suit.
I would like to leave you with the following, for you to place in your heart's pocket on your journey ahead:
1. Love Yourself, Immediately and Forever and never ever let go of yourself.
2. Believe in Yourself, also immediately and Forever and Ever.
3. Absolutely, without hesitation, accept everything that you are and understand that all of who you are is magnificent and there is, and never will be, anyone like you.
4. Always stand up for yourself. Never allow anyone to treat you in a manner that makes you feel lesser in any way…
5. Trust in your intuition and know that to listen to the little voice inside is a good thing: it will guide and protect you. If it speaks to you negatively, kindly retrain it by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, until it only speaks positive lingo.
6. Only say sorry when you mean it and don't be afraid to admit your mistakes. This is quite liberating.
7. Don't just accept what seems to be the obvious. Always question what does not sit right with you.
8. Do not be afraid to speak your opinion, Soul-Sister, Warrior.
And furthermore, say as many times as you can:
I am confident
I am magical
I am fearless
I respect myself
I love myself
I achieve my dreams
I am prosperous
I am worthy
I am divine
I am loved abundantly.
I wish you purposefulness, joy, pure love, adoration and absolute self-confidence.
All of it spiced with tremendous fun and laughter.
With Peace & Love to the beauty within you,