ABANDONMENT AND SELF-WORTH
5 September 2009
Beloved and holy and only Child of our heavenly Father, Child of the one Source, Child of Light, divine. That is who you are. Take it deeply within the consciousness and contemplate what that means.
I am the one known as Jeshua ben Joseph, Jesus you have called me, and it is in great joy that I come to abide with you this evening in your timing as you have chosen once again to call me forth. Great joy, your divine nature. We have spoken often how the world will give unto you the opportunity for challenge, for heaviness, for worrying with problems like a dog worries with a bone and chews it down to the marrow to get to the good part of it. We have spoken how the world will give you all of the complexities of “What if?” Especially all of the negative what ifs.
But your divine nature is one of joy, one of lightheartedness. That is why we speak of light and we speak of the lightworkers which you are, and to follow that through to be lighthearted no matter what the world will say about appearances; to find yourself in joy no matter the condition of the physical body, but to know that the spirit lives forever, and the spirit truly rules the body.
Many of you have been working with questions of wondering, “Who am I? Why am I? Have I been before? How can I overcome some of the questions that I feel in my life? How can I come to that place that intellectually I understand myself to be, but how can I really know it?”
I would speak to you this evening about energy. Now, we have spoken of that in other times, as well. Imagine for a moment a sphere, any size that you want to imagine. We will take one perhaps twelve inches across just as an example, but it can be as big as you want it to be. Within that sphere are many points of connection that are connected by energy to each other so that to appearances it would be a solid, dense sphere.
But in truth, in between every point of energy there is much space, the same as your scientists now are teaching you about your universe, that there is truly more space than there is of the energy that is between the objects that have collected themselves into the denser form of object in any dimension.
You have brought forth the sphere and all of the points within it. Not only that, but you have said that the sphere of experience is infinite, which means that what you would understand in this reality as having boundaries to make a sphere is truly open-ended with no boundaries. But this reality yet understands boundaries and says that everything has to have a beginning, a middle, and an ending. Every box has to have sides to it. Everything that you imagine must have at some point the delineation of a boundary of some sort.
But I am speaking to you now of infinite energy, so that with the deep breath that you just took, you are in that space of infinite energy interacting with yourself and with what you see in this reality to be others. But in truth, the others are you as aspects of you, aspects of the One of you. That is how huge, enormous, and divine that you are.
You interact with every point within the infinite sphere that knows no boundaries and, because from one point to another point what connects it is a line, you call it in this reality the linear timeline, and you say, “Past lives, future lives, present life, present connections, etc.” but in truth, it is all happening at the same time, which is a non-time.
Now, that in this reality boggles the mind a bit, because this reality, for security reasons, wants to know, “How far towards the edge can I go before I fall off? I want there to be a boundary somewhere so that I can know myself to be within and to be safe within that boundary.”
But in truth, you are always safe, you are always expanding, and when the purpose of time, as you have built it into this reality, has been fulfilled; in other words, the moment that you realize that you are not bounded by time at all, then time will no longer exist. You are already working, moving towards that place, because I have heard so many of you say, “I am running out of time.”
Listen to what you say. “I am running out of time. I can’t get everything done that I want to get done. I am running out of time.” Well, blessed be, yes, you are running out of time. You are moving into that infinite space that knows itself to not be limited in any way; to be free to manifest anything that you want to manifest, anything that you may not consciously think you want to manifest, in order to know the flip side of it, the blessing of it, because in human life oftentimes that which looks to be a challenge, that which looks to be a threat, is in truth a blessing, an opportunity, if you will, for coming home; not in the sense of having to decease the body, but coming home in the sense of awakening to your true divinity and your true being.
So oftentimes you will make for yourself the challenges so that you can know your strengths, so that you can know the power of your divinity. You have agreed before an incarnation that, as the energy that you are, you will interact with other points of energy. What is called the soul group is vast. The ones who are in resonance with each other, as far as vibratory level, often agree that they will come and find each other no matter where, what geographical country, location you may be in. You find a nudging that pushes you to somewhere and you meet up with friends; friends of the soul group who have decided, agreed that they will be incarnate at the same time.
You have done this over and over many times so that you could play together, so that you could support each other, so that you could move forward in the enlightenment of the collective. So once again all of you have agreed that no matter where the physical body may be residing you will know yourself to be infinite energy connecting to all others who are also awakening to what they have felt deep within their heart of knowing that the human life is good, but it’s not all there is; knowing each day to look for the positive, the good, the blessing in each day, and then to know that it is but the tip of the iceberg—there is just more of the joy of divinity—and allowing yourself then to revel in it as the Child, the holy, innocent Child that you are.
Oftentimes there are questions in the human experience of feeling unworthy, of feeling that you are somehow not home, and there’s a homesickness, a longing, wanting to know, “Where is home?” This human experience, good as it is, is not home, and you look for home with various friends, various experiences; you look for it in nature, and you find parts of it: places, times, instances where you feel connected to the divinity of you and you feel connected to the love that you are.
You meet a friend and you get to discussing various things that bring you joy, and for a minute or longer you spend time in that place of love. You spend time in that place of home. You meet up with an old friend you haven’t seen for some time, and instantly there is that feeling of being at home with them. That is your true nature. That is your divinity calling to you and saying, “Live here.” As often as you will remember, allow yourself to live at home, to be at home even in the body, even in the world; to remember home, to remember love.
Oftentimes there has been a feeling of abandonment. All of you have made evidence in lifetimes where you have been abandoned by ones you have trusted—friends you have trusted, parents you have trusted, a mate you have trusted, someone that you thought would always be there for you—and then they decease the body. Or they found the grass was greener somewhere else, or thought it was, and went somewhere else.
You have felt abandoned and you have wondered at a very deep level, “What have I done? I must not be good enough. If I had been good enough, I would still be at home. If I had been good enough, the loved one wouldn’t have left me. If I had been good enough, this challenge in the human experience wouldn’t have come.”
That is what separated ego tells you. That is the scripting of separated ego: to bring you the silver platter and to say, “Master, look at this. How do you feel about this experience? Do you feel that you have been abandoned because you are not good enough?” And many times you have answered, “Yes. Obviously I’m not good enough; otherwise they wouldn’t have left me; otherwise I wouldn’t have been lost outside of the kingdom of heaven.
I must have sinned greatly, but I don’t remember what it was. I’ve been told there is original sin, and I must have been part of it. But I don’t remember what that original sin was, except maybe I forgot my divinity. Maybe that’s the original sin.” And it is the only…not even sin, but the only temporary mis-take, as you have in your movies. You have a take 342, because there have been 341 mis-takes. So then you take another run-through of an episode, an incident, whatever.
So from the “evidence” that you have made for yourself in many lifetimes there has come the feeling that, “I’m not good enough.” Even as you are a small one, the parents, oftentimes being loving and sincerely wanting to help you, will point out how you could be a little bit better. And you, as the small one, take the message and you kind of turn it around and you say, “Oh, well, I’m not good enough; otherwise, they wouldn’t be telling me how I could be better.”
And that is what you carry with you oftentimes at a subconscious level, the message that I’m not quite good enough. I can always be striving to be better, to read the right book, to meet the right teacher, to go to the right meetings, to travel to the right country where there is the great one who will heal me, who will heal the emptiness of me; always looking for something “out there”, when in truth you are already home within yourself as you awaken to the love that you are; as you wake up in the morning and you begin by blessing yourself and saying, “How great I am. I’m here. One more day I am here to play. One more day. Let us see what happens in this day. What can I bring forth in this day? Where will I go? Who will I meet? What will we say?” And to look at each day as a gift.
Now, some of your friends who have been through what they will call major challenges where they have been told that they only have a few days, weeks, months perhaps to keep on activating the body, or ones who have come through what you call the near-death experience, find that each day is a gift, find themselves feeling happy that there is one more day.
Now, I know the world view is to say, “Oh, no, one more day to struggle through; one more day to get all of these tasks done; one more day to try to meet the deadlines—which are truly deadly—one more day; I hope there’s something good in it,” as opposed to waking up in the morning and saying, “This is a gift; one more day that I have given to myself to interact with the friends, to interact with myself and all of the points of energy within this infinite sphere—that we have just talked about—and to know that I am powerful to attract to me that which is blessing me in every moment.
Because truly that is what you are doing, and I want you to realize, to make it real in your consciousness, to understand that you are the magnet of energy that is drawing to you everything you draw to you to experience, and—hear this well—to call it good; not to say, “Oh, my goodness, look what I’ve called to me. Look at this manure.” Well, even manure has its blessing. But to look at everything that you call to yourself and know that truly you have done it from the soul level in order to see the blessing in it.
Sometimes there are challenges to get past the world view, because habitually that is what you have been taught, that the world is a place of chaos, it is a world of judgment, it is a world that is harsh, that you have to struggle through it, and that if you are lucky enough you might get your reward later on.
But why wait? Take your reward right now. Eat your dessert first, and enjoy it. See that everything that you bring to yourself is a blessing, and begin to quite literally count your blessings. Each and every one of you who has ever felt discouraged, abandoned, lost, or has felt a lack of confidence, count your blessings. Look around you and see how often you—even as you see yourself to be a personality—are affirmed by the friends, by the experiences that you have.
Everything in your life is affirming your worthiness. That is not the message of the world, but it is the message of truth. For as that particle of energy, you cannot help but attract as a magnet other energy to you, and it takes different forms. You have built that in because you wanted to play with different appearances, different experiences, and habitually to judge them. And habitually they get judged in a negative way.
But begin by counting your blessings. Look around right now and see all of the blessings gathered in this room, every one of them a blessing. Everyone is walking love, ready to affirm to you your worthiness; otherwise, you would not have called them forth. You have called them forth in order to know how worthy you are, how divine, how powerful you are, what an energy magnet you are, that power of love, the power of love that walks on four feet [He says as Caleb the cat walks by], the power of love that walks on two feet.
Count the blessings. Look on the positive side of everything. If you don’t see the positive side of something right away, flip it. Say, “Okay, here is this experience. This is how it looks to me now. Okay, I’m going to walk around and see something different.” Look at it from all angles. If it is not apparent right away, search until you find the blessing in it, and it will not be hidden from you.
You have magnetized it. You have brought it to you. You are the creator of everything you experience; therefore, you are the master of it. So there is nothing, no thing, no condition, no experience that is more powerful than you. You are the master of it.
Throughout lifetimes, because of the heaviness of feeling outside of home and outside of Love—capital “L”—you have reinforced for yourself over and over the feeling of unworthiness, the feeling of, “I don’t know what it is, and I certainly wouldn’t have done it if I’d known, but I must have done something really bad in order to have called this to myself.”
The truth of the matter is, you are very strong. Only the strongest ones, only the masters call to themselves that which would be seen to be difficult and challenging. Let that sink in for a moment. Only the masters would have the courage to say, “Okay, let me try that experience. I want to know that experience from the inside out; not just to look at it as an appearance that maybe somebody else is experiencing, but I want to know it from the inside.”
And so then your wish is granted, and you get to experience various things, various challenges as the world would call them, but actually they are blessings. You get to experience them intimately to the place where you begin to understand that you are that point of energy. You are in that infinite sphere of energy that is forever ongoing, forever creating, and will, past any limitation of time, exist and create and create. Let that sink in.
When you begin to realize how powerful you are, there is a freedom that comes, a freedom that the world does not know, a freedom that says, “I do not have to worry what this day is going to bring me, because I know it is going to be all good. I know that the world may present it in a certain way, but what does the world know?”
The world only knows a set of paradigms that has been lived over and over and over and has truly been completed. The world only knows that which has already been completed. So when you come to that place of freedom, when you wake up to the place—and I mean literally in the morning when you wake up—and you say, “This day is a gift. This day is mine. I have made this day for myself,” then there is the freedom to live in a new paradigm of joy, to be able to understand that you have never truly left home.
You have extended yourself as a rubber band, perhaps, into a reality that believes that there could be other than love, but you are the rubber band that has its point of origin and at any moment can snap right back to that place of love, that place of home. This is what you do lifetime after lifetime. You extend yourself into a lifetime to see what it feels like, what you can do with it, and then when you are complete with enough of it—maybe you’ve covered yourself in a whole lot of manure and you want out—then you snap back and you go back home again. And the soul group welcomes you home.
The soul group grows in experience and understanding and in knowing itself each time you have the courage as the master that you are to come one more time into a place that does not know only love. Every experience that you do, you do not only for yourself. You always feel that, “Well, this is my experience and I’m the only one feeling it,” but you do it for the whole soul group, and the soul group expands in knowing how energy can play with itself.
Allow yourself to see the body as energy, because truly that’s what it is. There is much more space within the body than there is point of density of light. There is much more space within the body. It feels solid. It feels like there are limitations to it, but in truth, you are energy that is forever mixing around in the body, all of the time. Even as you think you are just sitting on a chair or lying on the bed, that energy in you is always moving around, coming to different formations. Some of the formations you keep for awhile. Others of the formations just move on and go into another formation.
You do a miracle in bringing the body into the form that you consciously know as your body. It is a miracle that you carry from moment to moment to moment, and when you wake up in the morning, again you assume the same focus of what the body is going to be. A moment before you woke up, what was that body doing? In truth, it was moving around, as the energy that it is, floating around and being amorphous, without shape.
Now, someone who walks into the room, they are going to see shape. Why? Expectancy; what they have known from lifetime to lifetime to lifetime in this reality to be true—lower case “t”. But in truth, you are energy that is moving all of the time. Every part of the body is moving. As I speak to you right now, there are synapses in the brain that are firing, going off, allowing the message to be taken in in a certain way. All of you are hearing the message in your own unique way.
Every muscle, every organ in the body is moving as energy that it is, forming, reforming. You even know this from your science, your anatomy, and the functioning of the body. The stomach and intestines are very busy all of the time. They are squeezing and squeezing and squeezing, letting up, squeezing, relief. The heart is pumping the blood. It is squeezing, releasing, squeezing, resting, squeezing, etc.
And that is just on the more obvious level. But truly, you are a walking ball of energy that you have fashioned into a form that you understand to be you and that others understand to be you, and sometimes the most wonderful thing happens to prove this to you. If you haven’t seen a friend in some years and you meet up with them say ten or twenty years later, their form has changed. Now, how did that happen? If they are one form and they are rigid form, they would always be that form. But you meet up with them later, and the form has changed. They look different. Sometimes you don’t even recognize them. And then they start to speak and you say, “Oh, yes, it’s you. Oh, okay.”
I want you to understand how malleable, how changeable the body is, the energy of the body. It responds to your thoughts. Now, you’ve heard that. It’s a great saying. It’s a great platitude—to control your thoughts, manifest what your thoughts are. Now, in truth, that is really what happens. And if you go around feeling that it’s really, really a struggle to be here… “I don’t know why everybody has left me”…Well, I mean, if you’re going to be a sad sack, people are going to leave you. They don’t want to be around that energy any more than you want to be around that energy. But if you get up in the morning and you’re just really ready for this day—“I want to see what this day is going to bring. I am so happy, I wake up laughing.”—I mean, you can do this. You can literally do this—wake up laughing.
Wake yourself up tomorrow morning laughing at a dream that you may or may not remember, but wake up laughing. It can be done. And say to yourself, “This day is going to be full of laughter. It’s going to be full of blessings. It is going to mirror back to me the affirmation of my self-worth of how worthy I am to be the divine holy innocent Child living the human experience.”
No longer do you need to feel stuck into what the world has said reality has to be. That is where the freedom comes in. When you realize that the world has not made you, the world is not your maker, then it has no power over you. You are the maker of you. And if you are the maker of you and you don’t like what you’re experiencing, change the script.
Allow yourself to feel free. If there are things that you want to change in your life and they seem really big, start with one step and another step and then another step, but start. Don’t just sit and say, “Oh, it’s a mountain; I’ll never be able to climb up over that.” Well, of course, you can’t if that’s the attitude. But if you begin by saying, “Well, I can climb a little ways up that mountain…” and then you get up a ways and you look back and you say, “Oh, I see a valley. I must have come a ways up the mountain.” And then you go a little farther and a little farther.
Every so-called challenge is seen in a new way as you will start with a willingness. That is the only thing you have to have is willingness to see things differently; to begin to visualize yourself as that ball of energy that is forever moving and changing; changing shape within yourself and the outer, as well.
Many of you, if you get tired of a certain personality, you cut your hair; it makes a big change. Sometimes you change the color of your hair. Sometimes you will change the raiment so that you look a bit different. You decide you want to have a change of how you appear to other people. Sometimes you decide to go on what is called the diet and you lose a bit of weight, and so you change the form.
All of the time you are moving energy. You are not solid. There is nothing solid about the body, nothing that cannot be changed, and you can do it through various modalities, various ways. That is one of the beautiful freedoms that comes with the awareness that that which is at this moment in a certain shape and condition, whatever, can be changed by whatever way you want to change it, and there is no judgment attached to it, because you are free to know that you are the creator.
So if you had several people lined up with the same body condition, and person “A” chooses to eat only raw food and they know that that’s going to be their healer, the way they are going to heal; okay, person “B” says he is going to go with a certain pharmaceutical thing that has been devised by himself, because otherwise it would not exist in his consciousness, so he has created it. Person “A” cannot judge person “B”, and person “B” cannot judge person “A”. Everyone makes their free choice as to what is their way to go.
As you become the beholder and you can step back and review, re-look at previous lifetimes, you will see that perhaps in this lifetime you are choosing to go the route of the pharmaceuticals. Other lifetimes you have been the raw food advocate to the place where perhaps others didn’t want to hear anything more from you. You’ve been on all sides of the belief systems (plural).
So then you begin to understand just how fluid everything is—not just the body, but relationships and everything, even as you feel that the chair is solid, the house seems to be solid. This house is energy, and the walls are moving. Luckily, you are moving in the same sync with the house, with the chair, so that you don’t have any falling through.
But everything is energy, everything is in motion, everything is fluid, everything is changeable and is changing. There comes that freedom to choose; no judgment. What is right for one person is their choice. What is right for another person is their choice. The world loves to judge. The world loves to say, “You’re not quite ready. You don’t know enough. Your self-worth isn’t high enough to make the right choice. Let me tell you. I will judge for you.”
And then you have seen that the funny thing of that is, you ask one person and they tell you very sincerely. You ask another person, another friend, and they will tell you very sincerely what they believe about you. And you go to another person and they will say, “Well, they’re not right. This is how you are. This is what you should do—“should” do. As many people as you approach, you will have as many opinions, and you can do that as a game for yourself and then come to the place where you say, “This what I choose, and I don’t care if this one or that one or anyone else has judgment about it. That is where they are living, but that’s not where I’m living. I am living right here with my choice with what I know to be my path at this moment.”
Now, hear that well, because at any other moment you are free to choose a new path. That is part of the freedom. So you see, nothing is ever set, except love. Allow yourself to live in joy. Allow yourself to wake up in the morning laughing; laughing at how silly you have been the day before to have worried about whatever it was that you were worried about, and just say, “Ah, you know, I see that differently now. Hey, you know, I really tied myself up in knots yesterday about that. And he said to me and I thought he meant and I was really upset about that, but that doesn’t really matter.”
And you begin to laugh. You see things differently. And the freedom that comes with seeing things differently brings you back home. And the soul group that you are working for and with expands, because there has been that change in energy, that change in the old energy of an old paradigm that says this is how it has to be, and you have broken out of it.
And the whole soul group that is not separate from you…again, it’s very…if you can imagine a drop of water as it goes down a stair, and it flows, this drop of water, down another stair and another stair and how it goes, that is how the soul group…it’s vast; it’s not just like a drop of water; it’s not that small; it is huge. But it moves all in concert with itself as each individual—seemingly individual—goes as the rubber band that we spoke of into an experience of any dimension, any reality, and will feed that back to the soul group, and the soul group—much as maybe you would see in an amoeba, something like that moving along; well, it’s huger than that—it expands, it grows, it moves, it creates, it changes.
That is why you can do healing with ones. That is why there is instantaneous healing when one all of a sudden, just like that, the snap of a finger, realizes, “The world didn’t make me. My maker, I—capital “I”—soul of me, the divine me, made me; the divine I (I’m trying to find the right terminology). The world didn’t make me, so it doesn’t matter what the world says. I am forever changing, moving, expanding, growing in my awareness, and I am so loved by mySelf—capital “S”—that I am allowing myself to experience what the world will call a challenge. I am so loved by all of me that there is never anything that I could do wrong.
I have choices, I have experiences, I look at the different flowers that are along the roadway, the pathway. The zinnia does not look like the pansy. The lily does not look like the daisy. They’re all beautiful, each in its own way…as you are. And so you have wanted to experience, “How does it feel to be the daisy? The sunflower? The cactus? Cactus? Cacti are pretty. You have seen cactus flowers, yes? And they are beautiful. And many different varieties.
Well, it’s the same with all of you—many different varieties. You walk on two feet, for the most part, but you’re all different; unique experiences. And yet underlying all of it is the divinity of the Oneness that you are.
So I have given you much to think about in this evening. Visualize the infinite sphere of the energy, the points of light, the points of energy, even more than lights, and how they are connected, how they are always working together. Visualize the body as energy, always changing, moving, very active, very fluid, and know that the world is not your maker. You are in charge. You have never been abandoned. You have made experiences that have said, “I am unworthy; therefore, I’ve been abandoned. I’m not good enough.”
And so you have lived under that umbrella, like living under a mushroom, perhaps, for some lifetimes. But that doesn’t matter; there is no judgment. And in truth, there is no time, so you have forever to live under the mushroom and then to come out and look up at the mushroom and say, “Hm, great manifestation. Who would ever have thought how to make a mushroom?”
Imagine living under a mushroom. Know you—I’m getting off on a tangent here, but that’s okay—the intricacies of a mushroom, all of the various segments of a mushroom as you look from underneath? Fantastic creation. You bring forth most wonderful creations, and you are forever in any moment changing.
So if you are the creator of all of this fantastic universe, you must be worth something. You are affirmed by everything you see. Allow yourself to feel worthy, and then allow yourself to be in that love of worthiness so that all others who come into your presence feel that they are worthy of your love, as I love you. So be it. Jeshua ben Joseph, Jesus you have called me